December Newsletter- Christmas for dogs, LATDQ podcast, what I'm reading & more!
In this issue...
Christmas for dogs
Leslie and the Drag Queen podcast
What I'm reading
Most popular post
Christmas for dogs
I love dentist appointments.
I truly, legitimately look forward to my bi-annual cleanings, and it’s all because of one person: a sassy hygienist named Dixie.
I knew Dixie and I were going to hit it off when, at my first cleaning, the TODAY Show was playing on the exam room TV. As Dixie began scraping away at my teeth, the show returned from a commercial break, and there sat George W. Bush, talking about “art” and his daughter, TODAY Show co-host, Jenna. My gums must’ve turned a brighter shade of red as my blood pressure shot up, because at that moment Dixie said “Ugh…remember when we thought he was bad? Now we WISH his dumb ass was all we had to worry about!” Now this was in prime Trump days, when the dumpster fire was just beginning and those kinds of comments coming from a fellow Texan felt like a life-preserver.
It was clear that I had found my snarky soulmate.
Since then, Dixie and I have side-eyed our way through countless banal morning talk show segments. She provides the commentary while I laugh through a mouthful of her hands, trying not to choke on my own spit. We’re a perfect team.
Last week provided some prime snarking material for Dixie and me: a perky trainer who shared tips on how to make the holidays special for your dog. I looked over the tiny mirror Dixie wielded in my mouth, unsure of how to proceed. Sharing personal opinions on politics was one thing, but dogs? I wasn’t sure if I was brave enough to take that one on. I decided to let Dixie take the lead.
The exhaustingly-peppy trainer, let’s call her Sydney, chummed the water immediately, referring to pets as “fur babies.” My eye started to twitch, but a quick glance at Dixie revealed nothing. She was playing it cool, too. Understandable.
Sydney shared her first tip: “Create a quiet space for your pets to retreat to if holiday visitors make them nervous.” Hearing this perfectly reasonable suggestion, I started feeling disappointed. Maybe this wasn’t going to have the payoff I had hoped for. Dixie seemed to share my disappointment, or maybe that was just due to the particularly stubborn buildup she was working to remove from my molar.
The next tip put my mind at ease, but I still wasn’t sure if Dixie would take the bait: “Make your dog’s meals more festive by cooking pet-friendly versions of your holiday feast.”
I started shaking. If this one didn’t do it for Dixie, maybe we weren’t snarky soulmates after all! Maybe I’d misread this whole thing! Maybe I’d need to find a new dentist!
“Oh sure,” Dixie chirped. “I’ll just whip up a turkey dinner with all the fixings, puree that bad boy, and shape it into can form so my dog recognizes it as food.”
And we were off to the races.
“Yeah,” I said gleefully, removing the spit sucker from my mouth. “Maybe I’ll sprinkle a little cinnamon on my dog’s poop next time we’re out for a walk. That’s his favorite anyway.”
For that brief half hour, Dixie and I were gods. No one could touch us. We were unstoppable. We no longer needed Sydney the trainer’s holiday tips, we had visions of our own:
Presents for your dog: Wrap up your kid’s smelly socks and call it a day.
Mistletoe for dogs: Hung on other dogs’ tails, of course.
Dog caroling: They already did that dog version of Jingle Bells, so let’s just go the whole nine.
Doggy Hallmark Christmas movies: A workaholic Frenchie leaves the big city (and her pedicures!) for a small-town Basset Hound lumberjack.
and, my personal favorite…
Dog nativity scenes: With a shaky Chihuahua playing Jesus.
My holiday wish for you is that you find your own snarky soulmate, and if you don’t, I will happily oblige. Now if you’ll excuse me, I have to finish knitting this sweater for my dog’s ugly sweater party.
Leslie and the Drag Queen Podcast News
Catch LATDQ on any major podcast platform, or click the link below to listen.
If you like what you hear, please subscribe, rate, and review!
Episode 4: Living for LaGanja
It’s Candi and Leslie’s first guest, LaGanja Estranja! The mega-talented Rupaul’s Drag Race contestant talks about her transition journey, how drag helped her find her truth, and what’s next.
Episode 5: Candi and Leslie’s Favorite Things
The holiday season is in full swing and Candi and Leslie are here for it! The girls share their favorite holiday traditions, as well as gift ideas for everyone on your list…especially your favorite drag queen!
What I’m Reading: Hello, Molly!
The global pause caused by the pandemic produced a slew of recent celebrity memoirs, some better than others. For me, Molly Shannon’s Hello, Molly! ranks among the best. I caught this one on audiobook, which I highly recommend since Molly Shannon narrated it. Her quirky phrasing and inflections brought the words to life and were a great addition to an already enjoyable book. I especially loved hearing about Shannon’s SNL days, the long path that lead her there, and the years she spent developing Mary Katherine Gallagher. Be forewarned though: Hello, Molly! starts with, and then frequently revisits, a horrible car accident from Shannon’s childhood, in which her mother, sister, and cousin were killed. The tone of the book is undeniably upbeat, but there were moments that were pretty hard to take, for me at least. Still, in spite of the unimaginable tragedy Shannon endured, she is the epitome of an optimist, and her joy radiates from the page.
My most popular post of the month
I’m kinda embarrassed to say a Phil Collins song inspired this month’s most popular post. But then again, it’s a damn good song.
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