April Newsletter- European Facts According To 3rd Graders, Coaching Corner & More!
In this issue...
12 Facts About Europe According to the Kids at my 3rd Grader’s Geography Fair
Coaching Corner
What I’m Watching
12 Facts About Europe According to the Kids at my 3rd Grader’s Geography Fair
It’s no secret that geography isn’t most Americans’ strong suit. (Once when my husband told someone he was from Argentina, they said they’d always wanted to visit the Caribbean). But thanks to the Euro-fair at my daughter’s school, my knowledge of European countries has increased by a staggering -3%. And now, I’m passing that knowledge on to you.
Without further ado, I give you 12 facts about European countries, according to these kids.
1. Ukraine
Famous for food and…pants?
National dishes: borscht, (“which can be enjoyed many times throughout life”) and a special kind of bread (“which can only be enjoyed at certain times”)
The best thing about Ukraine Kid’s presentation- apart from her bold claim that Ukraine was famous for a mundane article of clothing- was that she rattled off her facts from a bunker she had made out of cardboard and tables, and then proceeded to say nothing about the country’s ongoing war with Russia! She was like, “Look, people, I’ll give this war thing a little nod with my bunker setting, but we’ve got pants and bread rules to talk about!” Bless.
2. Russia
Famous for Czar Nicholas and being really, really big
When I asked Russia Kid if he’d like to visit there someday, he answered “Yes, I’d go to Siberia!” so fast it convinced me he was a time traveler in the body of an 8-year-old, on a mission to rescue a fellow resistance member from a gulag. If so, he totally blew his cover. His mom made really good apple cake though.
3. Sweden
Famous for St. Lucia Day and both parents working outside the home
Also a special type of embroidery that is NOT actually embroidery
Is there more to Sweden than St. Lucia Day, an apparent lack of tradwives, and imposter embroidery? Probably.
Did I stop savoring my lussekatter long enough to hear anything else? Not on your life.
4. Switzerland
Famous for cheese and chocolate
Lots of mountains
Never been in a war
Honestly, not much to add here- Switzerland Kid pretty much nailed it.
5. Romania
Famous for caves, mystery, and Dracula
Interactive exhibit included a blanket cave filled with clay leeches and millipedes
This was actually my daughter’s presentation. The fact that she deemed leeches and millipedes to be so quintessentially Romanian that she spent a solid week making and painting them makes it clear that a Montessori education is worth every penny. Also that I will never, ever travel to Romania.
6. Greece
Famous for volcanoes, olives, and olive oil
Capital is Athens, named after ATHena
Historians may call Greece the birthplace of democracy and the cradle of Western civilization, but they clearly have their priorities wrong, because none of that stuff is as interesting as lava and olives. Linguists should also probably check their pronunciation of Athena, because the accent is on the ATH, so it matches the pronunciation of Athens- duh. Also, kinda strange that we- as in people in general, definitely not me- run marathons for fun when the original dude dropped dead after doing his 26.2.
7. Italy
Capital is a place called ROME
Main foods: pizza, gelato, and pesto
Alright, don’t go spreading this around, but Italy Kid let me in on a little-known vacation spot called “Rome.” It’s apparently got incredible ‘arshitecture’ and some dynamite food. We’re talking pizza, gelato, and pesto. Oh, you want something to put your pesto on? Well, Italy Kid wouldn’t know about that- he just knows it’s made from olive oil. Probably from Greece.
8. Scotland
Home to a famous inventor and some cities
Look, public speaking is hard. No one knows that better than Scotland Kid. He’s hastily colored in his Scottish flag. He has a jumble of Wikipedia printouts that he keeps dropping. He can’t remember the name of these inventors or cities, but he has some pictures here somewhere if you’d like to consult them. Now will you just take one of his Clooties and move along?
9. Poland
Famous for this thing where gas escapes through holes in the ground, mixes with the night air, and looks like colors. This is caused by bioluminescence, but people thought it was fairies before science. They’d go out in the bogs looking for the fairies, get caught, and then say “it was the fairies!” But now we know fairies don’t exist- it’s just bioluminescence.
First of all, Poland Kid is going to be president someday because she had zero time for people blaming their ridiculousness on mythical creatures. It’s called science, Poland, look it up! Second, next Ren Faire I’m gonna wear a shirt that says “Fairies don’t exist- it’s just bioluminescence,” and see how long it takes to get a nerd ass whoopin’.
10. Finland
Entire presentation was just a diorama of a fisherman seeing the northern lights for the first time and freaking the eff out
There’s a reason two students teamed up on Finland: You needed one to paint the most psychedelic, glitter vomit, fever dream version of the northern lights you could possibly imagine, and the other to fashion a clay fisherman, who was somehow a cross between a worm and Mr. Bill. My dude must’ve been new to the area- but somehow looked like he’d been fishing on that fjord forever- because his jaw was on the (cardboard) floor. I’ve never seen the northern lights, but if they really look like that, I’m sure I’d have the same reaction.
11. Netherlands
Famous for soccer and tulips
I was just about to ask Netherlands Kid where wooden clogs fit into this whole thing, when my husband butted in with a sports-related bone to pick.
Hubs: Famous for soccer? HA! The Netherlands has never even won a World Cup!!
Netherlands Kid:
Hubs: Argentina has won 3! 3!!
Netherlands Kid: Would you like a stroopwafel?
Hubs: …yes.
12. Wales
Famous for a big mountain “whose name I can’t quite pronounce”
Speaking on behalf of anyone who’s tried to pronounce a Welsh word- same, Wales Kid. Same.
Coaching Corner: Are you waiting to be discovered?
What I’m Watching: Portrait Artist of the Year
I’ve found the perfect substitute for the Great British Baking Show while we’re in between seasons. Swap out bakers for artists and flour for paint, and voila! You have a cozy little competition show with a supportive vibe, set in England. Sound familiar?
Each episode of Portrait Artist of the Year is a heat, with artists competing to earn a spot in the semi-finals, and eventually, a chance at the grand prize. Competitors have four hours to paint the portrait of a celebrity sitter, some of whom have included David Tennant, Imelda Staunton, Sir Ian McKellan.
With so many heats, you don’t get to know the competitors as much as on GBBS, but their work is still undeniably impressive. And having celebrity sitters adds a fun, behind-the-scenes element to it all.